even the stars refuse to shine

It's back to being cold again, unfortunately, and yet it will be +5 by Friday. The weather is being far too schizo for me.

I went shopping today. I've never been big on shopping, clothes shopping that is, but for some reason I've been doing quite a bit of it lately. This of course, means pictures forthcoming. Also picked up the City & Colour cd, and since it was 2/$25, I also got Nirvana unplugged, since my cassette version was ruined years ago.

A few things work related, the receptionist said that I'd almost be like 'one of the girls', I just need to go out drinking with them. Normally I'd be offended, and still am, slightly, but none of them are really my type, and what's so bad about going out and getting wasted with a bunch of hot young ladies?
Speaking of which, I have developed a crush on a girl at work who happens to be 6 years my senior. She also just got offered a management position.

Crotch shot of new pants.
Yes, I am obsessed, and no, the pj pants aren't new.

I feel like I've been in a funk the past week, and I need to snap out of it. Shopping sure didn't help.

Counting the lines on the ceiling tiles

It's only Wednesday, but this week has felt extremely long already.
Monday night was our company Christmas party. And of course I told myself I'd only have a couple of drinks and head home somewhat early, seeing as I had to work early the next morning. As you can guess, I did no such thing. I drank and drank, until the party got shut down due to the rowdyness of a near fight. I was then invited to Arizona's, a local bar, for a little more partying. We stayed there until the waitress started giving us the evil eye for sticking around too long and ended up downing someone's rum & coke before arriving back at home around 3.
Not a good idea when you have to be up at 6. Man, that was painful. Tuesday was flat out exhausting, but I made it through. Unfortunately, it was also one of the nights where, no matter how tired I was, I couldn't sleep due to my mind's refusal to stop racing. And about petty things I'll get into later, at that , but that's how it goes sometimes. Not only that, but I didn't get to sleep in on Wednesday because I had a dentist appointment.


Regardless, it was well worth it because I had a good time with good people, and drank far too much. Though the whole music and dancing thing made me feel like I was a wallflower back in highschool while the pretty girl(s) you have a crush on are out on the dance floor, which was pretty much the case here, but still, good times I'd say.

So that's what I've been doing, just thought I'd keep you all updated.


The days are getting longer
And my sleep is getting shorter
And I don't know what I'm doing here
It's so busy on the street corner
Congestion in my head
Suggested daily intake
Overdose
Overdone and over said
Still it can't be lost
Like a million fish
In this tiny tank
That just can't find room to breathe

My attention is getting shorter
And the info is getting greater
And I don't know to do with it all
Here on this busy street corner
Congestion in my bed
Suggested daily intake
Overdose

the following takes place between 7am and 8am

Sometimes it's weird to go back, and read things you've written in the past. It's always so different. Things you thought were just ok, now seem pretty damn good, and others you thought were great then, now appear to be utter tripe. I've been reading over some old writings and discovered as such. For some reason, this one kind of felt fitting for the mood I'm in lately.

With a never ending need
I am a nation with no self control
I am a nation with no power of the people
And the politics of the heart
They bring me down

Giving in to the voices
I am a nation stretched out on a field of battle
I am a nation with no enemies in sight
Brought down upon myself
From the inside out

I am a land of isolation
A land of sweat & tears
Stuck on the bad end of something good
I am a nation of one


And now, 24 returns.

Ten thousand times I will scream, over and over until you notice me

I am currently in the process of having additional tattooing designed. Progress reports will be forthcoming.

After working another 50+ hours this week, it is fair to say that I am tired. I believe I worked 14+ hours on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. But that's all boring talk.

The staff Christmas/holiday part is this Monday. So hey, free booze. Unfortunately, I have to be at work at 6:30am the next day. Then, Tuesday night, a bunch of guys from work will be getting together to play basketball. So yes, Tuesday is going to be one long day. Thankfully Wednesday is my day off, so I'll be able to recuperate then.

On Tuesday, Tom, the GM, told me that I'd be gaining a couple of new responsibilities at work, one of which is because one of the managers will be leaving in a couple of months to have a baby. So that's all fine and dandy. However, it turns out there was more to it than that. Francois, the big wig, went into further detail, saying that within two years, the plan is for me to become a full fledged manager, basically handling all aspects of inventory and whatnot. I guess. I was kind of taken aback by the whole thing.

I'm still kind of in shock to be honest. Either they see something in me that I certainly don't, or they're just that desperate for managers. At this point I'm not sure if I'll be up for it, nor am I willing to commit to even being at this place in two years time, but it sure is something to think about.

So much for lacking direction?

ps. Dallas Green is pretty awesome. But I still dislike AOF.

this is the way they'd love if they knew how misery loved me

I'll keep writing these letters
Scripts of real life movies that will never be made
As she bribes me with a kiss
Yeah, on the cheek, and the angel on her back turns a blind eye
I know I sure don't mind


The lack of real updates here is disturbing, but there really truly isn't much to say.
Maybe it's because, even here, in the most anonymous of places, I'm sometimes afraid of opening up too much. Hell, I don't even like to come clean with myself most of the time.

I lack direction
I lack motivation
I have too much patience
But not enough to try and find the motivation I need

I infatuate too easily
I lack the courage to stand up for said infatuations
I am far too shy
I am sometimes too nice for my own good
And at the same time, I can be beyond apathetic to anything and everything around me

I'm a dreamer, but I don't know what my ultimate dream is yet
I'm afraid of ending up alone, even though I recognize that having a significant other isn't the be all, end all of happiness
I sometimes feel like time is running out, but on what I'm not sure
I believe that I am average in pretty much every way imaginable, and I'm ok with that

I don't let the little things, and a lot of the times, the big things get me down
I also don't let the good things get me too high, because coming down can be a bitch


Anyways, diet dr pepper cherry vanilla tastes like cherry coke, only diet-y.

The pretty bartender

After twisting open a cap,
she reads my horrorscope, and says I better start talking before the rumors start
But talking can only open me up and get me where I don't want to be
Though maybe I should because she took me in and gave me a smile

She smokes a cigarette and the angel on her back doesn't seem to give a damn
"one day I'll quit" she says, but we both know that she won't
But still, it's quite charming, like much that she does

She may say she's a weird one
But she's one of the few honest and decent things that exist in the place
This shitty little place we've all been sucked into
And may never get away from

Sometimes the little things make it bearable
Enjoyable even, from time to time
Little things like her and the daily hugs goodbye



Not much news to report. This has been the slowest week, workwise, so far. I'll take the break though, and re-energize and get back into the swing of things, hopefully.
Some minor drama, with people getting suspended for drinking on the job, on new year's day. The bartender who served them, and then got into a tiff with the managers was fired this week. No one liked her anyways, so oh well.

Time for hockey night in canada.

It's something that you need to have, 'cause when she leaves your ass she's gonna leave with half

You know I did it
It's over and I feel fine
Nothing you could say is gonna change my mind
Waiting and I wait at the longest night
Nothing like the taste to sweet decline

I was down, I fell, I fell so fast
Dropping like the grains in an hourglass
Never say forever cause nothing lasts
Dancing with the bones of my buried past

Nevermind there's nothing I can do
Bet your life there's something killing you

It's a shame we have to die my dear
No ones getting out of here alive
This time
What a way to go, but have no fear
No ones getting out of here alive
This time

I finished, I'm getting you off my chest
Made you come clean in a dirty dress
A promise is a promise you kept in check
Hard to cross a heart that beats its fist

Take a good hard look for the very last time
The very last one in a very long line
Only took a second to say goodbye
Been a pleasure, but the pleasure's been mine
All mine

Ain't no way, DOA

It's a shame we have to disappear
No ones getting out of here, alive
This time
This time
This time

Never figured it'd be a Foo's song that would sum up alot of the thoughts and feelings I've had over the past year or so. Or at least that's the way it came across to me. Unanswered questions and open doors that will hopefully will be forgotten and closed this year.

That's pretty much as close to a year end/year in review post as I'll do.

Today was my day off and I enjoyed it immensely, and now I'm tired but it's only 7:30. Man do I suck.

By the way, Gold Digger is an awesome song, I don't care what anyone says.

And I, I've gotta grenade with our names scratched on the side

Yesterday was the longest day ever.
I started work at 6am, and did so until 10pm, at which point, one of the kitchen managers offered me a beer. Of course I accepted, and continued from there.
I didn't exactly make any plans due to working, so I walked around seeing if there was any around to do anything with, and ran into Tom (the gm) and Richard (my uncle) in the bar. So I sat down and had a drink with them.
I was going to get a ride home with my uncle, but decided to stick around with those who were stuck working the banquet. Though there wasn't much work going on. We hung around, and of course drank some more. Ravi even had beer out in his car, so we snuck out a couple times for a drink.
So yes, I rang in the new year at work, but I was with people I like, and hung around while they finished up, and got home around 3. Not what I envisioned new year's being, but it turned out alright I suppose.

Anyways, back to work tomorrow to start it all over again.


Happy New Year folks.