Amphetamines and jelly beans

I think the fact that no one reads this makes it a lot easier to be completely open.

I've had an odd couple of days, mentally, I suppose. So much so I don't think I can really explain it. Up and down, back and forth. I guess "complete and utter confusion" may be the best adjective here.
It's like I think I have everything figured out, and going smoothly, then there's a chain of seemingly small events that fucks my head right up, and I'm drinking vodka on a Sunday night, listening to songs I used to love when I was 16 because I was angsty, apathetic, unconfident, and the like.

I never cared if I was 'cool', I never cared about grades, or sports. I didn't care about much, actually. Just getting by was my greatest concern I figure. Though, as is par for the course, the opposite sex had much do with my angst and some of my underaged drinking. Of course that was partly* my fault.

But now, at least for tonight, I feel as though I've come full circle. Completely lost. Filled with with angst (both rational and irrational). Bad day, perhaps? Sure. Throw in a little vodka and there we go.
I had a point here, somewhere, but this is all too emo, and I've lost it now.




*mostly